


Forgiveness

by sanar



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Community: hc_bingo, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Tag, Gen, Missing Scene, Post-Episode: s02e06 Iron Sisters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-22 07:17:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11962431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanar/pseuds/sanar
Summary: Alec closed his eyes, trying to control his racing heart. He rubbed the back of his neck.“I...I... Want to talk about what happened to... Jocelyn” he stammered, opening his eyes.Luke eyes immediately clouded with grief.Set after 2X06, Alec visits Jade wolf to talk to Luke.





	Forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own any characters from Shadowhunters TV series or the Mortal Instruments books.
> 
> Written for hc-bingo @ LJ. Prompt: Forgiveness 
> 
> Not beta read. Hopefully there aren't too many mistakes.

Alec tried to simmer down his panic as he reached towards the Jade Wolf. It had been two days since Jocelyn’s funeral. He had wanted to visit Luke and apologize for his involvement in Jocelyn’s death, unfortunately, anxiety was getting the best of him and he couldn’t muster up enough courage to meet the werewolf. 

Even though Alec had apologized to Clary, he still felt the burden of guilt overwhelming him. Magnus had managed to distract him from drowning in his self-hatred. He had gone on a date with Magnus, learning about their new relationship and sorting out few awkward situations. 

But the guilt hasn’t completely left him. 

When he asked about Luke at the funeral, Isabelle had told him that Clave didn’t let Luke and Simon attend the funeral. The news had only added fuel to his ever-growing guilt. 

Alec had been angry at the Clave for the decision. Jocelyn may have been a shadowhunter, but she had more ties to Luke and Simon than any other occupants in the Institute, including Lightwoods. Unfortunately, he couldn’t do much since he and Jace were demoted.

Once Alec went back to the Institute after his date with Magnus, he met Clary on his way to the weapon room. She told him that Simon had managed to find Luke and brought him back to Jade Wolf, so after much internal debate, Alec had finally decided to make it to the werewolf lair.

He hovered uncertainly at the door before mustering up the courage to open it. His hand shook as it clasped around the handle and with a heavy sigh, he opened the door. The crowd of werewolves immediately looked at him when he entered. Alec looked for any sign of Luke or even maybe of Alric in the crowd. 

“I’m here to meet Luke.” Alec was glad that his voice came out stronger than he anticipated. He worried that his anxiety would cause him to stutter and it was not a place he wanted to look weak.

The crowd started to mutter as one man went towards the back of the Jade Wolf. Alec fisted his hands, counting to ten in his mind to calm himself. He stood awkwardly by the door, hoping for Luke to hurry.

After several minutes passed, Luke hurried over to Alec. The surrounding werewolves watched their pack leader with interest.

“Alec!” Luke greeted him with a nod. Alec swallowed the panic down, stuffing his hands into the jacket pockets so that no one would see his shaking hands. 

“Luke… hey! ... I… Can… Can we talk? Outside?” He asked, his voice sounded weak in his ears. 

Luke frowned. “Are you on here on Clave business?” 

Alec’s eyes widened slightly. “Er... No.. Not on Clave business. I just want to talk with you.” 

Luke looked intrigued. “Yeah. Sure,” he said, reaching to open the door. He ushered Alec out of the Jade Wolf and towards a nearby container, away from prying eyes and ears. 

“Is everything ok? Has something happened to Clary?” Luke asked, his voice laced with concern.

“Clary is safe. She went to meet Iron Sisters with Izzy. She’s back at Institute.” Alec reassured him.

“Ok. What do you want to talk?”

Alec closed his eyes, trying to control his racing heart. He rubbed the back of his neck. “I...I... Want to talk about what happened to... Jocelyn” he stammered, opening his eyes. 

Luke eyes immediately clouded with grief. 

“I’m so sorry for what happened to Jocelyn…” 

“It was not your fault, Alec. A demon killed her,” Luke interrupted him gruffly. His voice didn’t have any trace of anger or resentment, but the tone of it was hard. 

Alec shook his head. “You can’t deny that he used _my body_ for it. I can’t deny that… I was weak, let myself get possessed by a demon. Should have fought it harder.”

Luke reached out to Alec, touching his shoulder. Alec flinched from the contact. 

“I heard that others in the Institute got possessed as well. Are you holding all of them responsible for getting possessed and for the things they did? Do you think them as weak?” Luke pressed gently. 

“What? No!” Alec exclaimed, he never considered Izzy as weak nor Raj, even though he irritated Alec. 

“Then why are you blaming yourself?” Luke asked, his voice still gentle and soothing. Alec shook his head again. It was not going as he expected. 

“I don’t think Izzy wanted to kill me or Raj wanted to kill Lydia…” Alec’s voice broke, as he tried to fight the tears that were threatening to fall.  
Luke frowned.

“You wanted to kill Jocelyn?” He sounded confused. Alec waited for a possible hit, yell or even a snarl, but Luke just looked baffled.

“Alec, did you really want to kill her?” Luke’s hand on his shoulder tightened slightly, but his voice didn’t hold any anger or hatred that Alec was anticipating.

“I… I didn’t want to…” Alec swallowed thickly. “I didn’t want to kill her, but I was angry at her for trying to kill Jace. Telling Clave, he had demon blood…” he balled his fists. “And Clary came into our lives because of her,” Alec admitted in a defeated voice.

“I was so angry… but I never wanted to hurt her or kill her.” His voice came out in a mere whisper. Luke’s hold on him loosened slightly, and he patted Alec’s shoulder gently.

“I don’t blame you for her death. You shouldn’t also. If you want to blame someone, blame it on Valentine because he sent out that demon. The demon may have acted on your anger, but that doesn’t make you a bad person. We all feel angry. It’s a human reaction.”

“But my anger led to her death,” Alec muttered darkly. Luke’s hand fell away from his shoulder. Alec missed the warmth and comfort, Luke had offered.

“The demon fed on your anger. That’s all. You are a victim too.” Luke paused. “But I have a feeling that no matter how many times I insist that it wasn’t your fault, you will still keep blaming yourself. So I’m going to say this one last time, and we put everything behind us.” 

Alec swallowed, trying to control his panic, but his gaze never left Luke. 

“It wasn’t your fault, son. But I will accept your apology. I forgive you for whatever involvement you think you had in Jocelyn’s death.” His eyes were gentle, and he smiled at Alec sadly. “You should try to forgive yourself too, ” he said, reaching out again and patting Alec comfortingly on the shoulder.

Alec let out the breath he was holding and it came out in a harsh hiss. The tears were back, prickling at his eyes. Alec bit his lower lip, trying not to let them fall down.

“Thank you!” He whispered in relief. 

Luke nodded at him and withdrew his hand. They stayed in a comfortable silence for a few minutes more until Luke broke it. “I have to go back.” He said apologetically as he looked back at Jade Wolf.

Alec rubbed his eyes tiredly. It was a long day and Alec felt exhausted. “Sure,” he said and Luke patted him on the shoulder. “And Luke?”

“I’m sorry they didn’t let you attend the funeral. You had every right to be there, more than us.” 

“It was Clave. You don’t have to worry about it. It’s not the first time they mistreated downwards and it won’t be the last.” Luke smiled grimly

“I wish I could have done something, but I’m no longer in control of anything in the Institute.”

“It’s all right. I have made my peace with it.” Luke closed his eyes, his face crumpled in sorrow. He waited a few minutes before opening his eyes. 

“You should get going. It’s not safe outside with Valentine on the loose. Take care and try not to blame yourself.”

Alec nodded silently and watched Luke as he hurried back to Jade Wolf. He felt lighter. The guilt and self-blame were still lurking in the far depth of his mind and Alec knew he had a long way to go. But at the moment, everything felt calm.

For a moment, Alec felt as if maybe… just maybe… he could put this guilt away and finally, start healing.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope we will get more Luke/Alec friendship scenes in S3 because they are awesome together. 
> 
> Thanks a lot for reading! ♥


End file.
